


how would i bear to close my eyes (and let you fall).

by milominderbinder



Series: thirty days of skam fic [13]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, College, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Misunderstandings, different first meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 20:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milominderbinder/pseuds/milominderbinder
Summary: There are some things in the universe that are just facts. They're not up for debate, they don't need evaluating; anyone who’s not in complete denial about the workings of the world just has to agree. For example, it's a fact that the earth goes around the sun. It's a fact that there are two hundred and six bones in the human body. It's a fact that pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. And, most importantly of all, it is a fact of the universe that Isak Valtersen does not have a crush on Even Bech Naesheim.(Especially since, as far asheknows, Even has a girlfriend.)





	how would i bear to close my eyes (and let you fall).

**Author's Note:**

> tried another lil au for this series! hope you guys like it xx

There are some things in the universe that are just  _ facts _ . They're not up for debate, they don't need evaluating; anyone who’s not in complete denial about the workings of the world just has to agree. For example, it's a fact that the earth goes around the sun. It's a fact that there are two hundred and six bones in the human body. It's a fact that pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. And, most importantly of all, it is a fact of the universe that Isak Valtersen does not have a crush on Even Bech Naesheim.

The only unfortunate thing is, Isak’s idiot friends seem to disagree with one of those facts.

\-----

Isak has only been out of the closet for half a year -- he’s never had a boyfriend that he introduced his friends to, he’s never hooked up with a guy at a party in front of them, and he’s certainly never said anything about the kind of guys he finds  _ hot. _

But the first time the guys ever meet Even, Magnus turns to Isak afterwards and says, “Fuck, bro, he is so your type!”

Isak just blinks at him, and then whirls around to make sure Even really  _ has  _ retreated to the next room of the party and didn’t hear that.  What the fuck is Magnus talking about, anyway?  Yeah, Even’s tall and hot and dreamy and his eyes are captivating and he’d smiled at Isak way too nicely, holding his gaze for a moment too long, as Jonas introduced them all, but -- Isak’s never even had a conversation with him.

Even is just Jonas’s new weed guy.  And, most importantly, when Jonas had  _ mentioned  _ finding this new weed guy, his exact words had been, ‘ _ yeah, we met through his girlfriend, she’s in my Politics class.’ _

So. No matter how much eye contact Even might make or how good he’d looked all bundled up in way too many layers of clothing for a house party, Isak is absolutely not going there.  He’s had enough of crushing on straight guys to last him a lifetime.

“He is the  _ opposite  _ of my type, what the fuck,” Isak lies to Magnus, and then swallows down the rest of his beer.  “Why do you think you know what kind of guys I like anyway!  Shut up.”

Magnus just laughs at him, and Mahdi shakes his head.

“Bro.  That was some serious eye-fucking right there.  You guys are gonna hook up, I’m calling it right now.”

\-----

The first time Isak’s alone with Even, it’s super casual.  Okay, it’s at least halfway casual.  It was  _ supposed  _ to be super casual, because it wasn’t actually supposed to happen at all; Even was coming over to hang out with all the guys, in theory, and bringing weed with him.  Since the party where they first met him, they’ve all hung out with Even and some of his friends a few times.  He’s too nice.  And he always sits right across from Isak when they all get high, looking at him more than he looks at anyone else. 

But today, everything’s gone a bit wrong, because Mahdi took the wrong tram after class and texted to say he was just gonna go home instead, and Magnus suddenly changed shifts at the pizza place he works at in the evenings so he couldn’t come either, and Jonas, although he hasn’t messaged anyone, hasn’t yet arrived back at the flat since he went to go get coffee with some girl a few hours ago.  So when there’s a knock at the door and Even’s voice is suddenly calling in, Isak is the only one there.

Admittedly, he panics just a tiny bit.  He  _ knows  _ Even has a girlfriend, and that nothing is gonna happen between them, but that doesn’t stop him from checking his hair in the mirror and shoving a few errant curls back under his snapback before he opens the door.

“Uh, hi,” he says, as a smiling Even leans against the doorframe.  “Nobody else is actually here.  Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Even says, his voice all sweet in a way that makes Isak’s knees tingle.  “Us two can just hang out.  I brought weed.”

Okay, maybe it’s more the fact that Even’s wearing this dark red hoodie that looks insanely good next to his pale skin and swooshed blonde hair than it is the promise of weed, but Isak can’t say no to that.

“Yeah, awesome.  Come in.”  He pretends his voice doesn’t sound just the tiniest bit weak as he closes the door behind Even, taking one deep breath before following him into the living room. 

They end up sprawled at opposite ends of the sofa, passing one joint back and forth, and mostly just  _ laughing.   _ Even hadn’t even let Isak give him any money for the weed, despite the fact that they always actually buy it off him when the rest of the guys are there; “It’s different when we’re just hanging out,” Even had protested when Isak tried to get out his cash.  “Five people smoking is a  _ thing,  _ but two people smoking is just chilling. I can’t let you pay me for chilling, Isak!”

Isak is actually incredibly broke, as always, so he doesn’t really argue.  He just lets Even place the joint between his lips for him, trying not to have a small heart attack when Even’s fingertip brushes his mouth just the tiniest bit.  When Jonas finally gets home from his date an hour later, he finds Even and Isak giggling in a haze of smoke and sharing a piece of cheese toast, sat much closer than they had been to start with.  

Isak flushes when he sees him stood in the doorway.  Jonas just raises an eyebrow, and stares.  

\-----

In theory, living with his best friend while they're in college is a great idea.  In practice, it’s awful, because it gives Jonas the chance to do things like _this_ \-- come into Isak’s room once Even’s gone home that night and just _stare_ at him, like he can read Isak’s mind or something.  Isak rolls his eyes as hard as he can, but feels a little bit flustered as he shoves his laptop to the side and sits up from where he’d been sprawled across his bed.  

“ _ What?”  _ he huffs, waving a hand towards Jonas.  Jonas just shrugs.  
  
“You’re just so into Even.  It’s insane.”

Isak splutters, “I am not!  And -- and why does everyone keep  _ saying _ that?  All we were doing was getting high together, all of  _ you _ have done that with Even as well.”

“Bro, it’s not what you were doing.  You just look at him like he’s the best thing you’ve ever seen.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s not.”  Isak might be lying but he’s also very grumpy so he thinks he’s allowed to lie.  He flops back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “And are you forgetting the part where he has a girlfriend? A girlfriend _you_ actually know, by the way? I've seen plenty of better things than just another taken straight guy.”  

Maybe, Isak thinks, if he keeps telling himself that, it might start to feel true.   

\-----

The next time Even comes over, he specifically texts Isak first.  They’ve traded numbers by that point, ostensibly so Isak can get in touch if he ever wants to buy his own weed rather than sponging off Jonas, but in reality, they’ve just been sending a lot of memes back and forth, and Even keeps sending him  _ good morning  _ texts and strings of cute song lyrics, and sometimes Isak sends him long 2AM messages about science and the universe and how fascinating everything is when you look at it deep enough, and Even texts back things like  _ your brain is amazing  _ and  _ tell me more, I could listen to you tell me about the universe forever. _

But Isak still doesn’t have a crush.  He doesn’t have a crush, and he _definitely_ doesn’t have feelings that are _more_ than a crush, because Even has a girlfriend and Isak is done falling for straight guys.  

\-----

Mahdi is so chill. Sometimes Isak actually thinks Mahdi is the best one out of all his friends, cus _he_ never makes inappropriate comments like Magnus, or meddles like Eskild, or stares Isak down all-knowingly and makes him actually deal with his problems like Jonas. Plus, he has good taste in music, and often brings free food wherever he goes. Isak is considering ditching all his other friends and just relying on Mahdi.  

Unfortunately, not even  _ Mahdi _ seems to be able to keep his mouth shut about Even. One day, the two of them bump into Even while they're walking across the university campus towards the cafeteria, and Even is hurrying the other way, late for a class but still looking cheerful. Isak knows Even’s late for a class because Even had actually been texting him about it only a few minutes ago -- because they're now at that stage where they send little texts just to talk about how their day is going. Super casual.

But despite being late, Even’s face lights up when he spots them, and he clambers over a bench just so he can come say hi.

“Hi, Isak!” He’s beaming as he gets the words out, and although his expression doesn't dim when he turns to Mahdi, his voice definitely isn't quite so affectionate when he adds, “Mahdi! Where are you guys headed? We all need to hang out soon, yeah? Fuck, I'm so late.”

He says that, but he stays for a couple more minutes in the end, just chatting to them. Eventually he does jog off towards his class, and as they set off towards the cafeteria again, Isak can just  _ feel _ Mahdi’s stare. 

“You might as well just say it,” he says, rolling his eyes. Mahdi smiles a bit.

“What's going on with you guys? Really?”

Well, at least Mahdi is the first person who's phrased it as a question. Isak still huffs, scuffing his trainers along the ground as they walk. Unfortunately, the chill way Mahdi is asking doesn't make Isak actually want to discuss it any more than he did with anyone else -- which is to say, still not at all.

“Nothing,” he says, trying to sound decisive. “We’re just friends, same as all of you guys are with Even. Shit, like -- just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm gonna hook up with every new guy we meet!”

Mahdi still looks skeptical as hell, but he just says, “Okay. Got it.”  

This is why he's Isak’s favourite. 

\----- 

“No, open up! Open up!”  Even’s laughter rings through the whole kitchen as he lunges towards Isak with a fork.  Isak tries to dodge him, pressing his lips together to keep in his own giggles, squirming away and turning his head when Even manages to catch him by the arm. 

“Even!  That’s gonna be so _gross._ I can’t believe you put cinnamon in eggs.” 

“It’s gonna be delicious,” Even says, through peals of laughter.  His hand slides down Isak’s arm as Isak tries to escape, and all of a sudden it’s holding onto Isak’s hip instead.  Isak suddenly can’t catch his breath, and stops struggling.  He’s incredibly aware of how close their bodies are pressed together; how he can feel Even’s huffs of breath against his cheek as he laughs.  

Even takes the moment to shove the fork into Isak’s mouth, scrambled egg smearing across his lips and a few bits falling to the floor.  Isak wrinkles his nose, but swallows.

“You’re a fucking nightmare,” he says, but he doesn’t try to move away, and they stand there for a few long moments, the laughter dying down and being replaced with an aftermath of silence. 

Then Even moves away, shattering the air between them as he starts talking loudly about eggs, like nothing had just happened at all.

It takes Isak a minute to catch his breath.

\-----   

Eskild texts him at nine on a Saturday morning, like the freak he is, after the gossip has presumably spread through Magnus to Vilde to Eva to Noora to Eskild.  Just Isak’s luck.

[ 9:03 -- From: Eskild ]

_ my little gay prodigy!!! i hear you have a hunky new love interest, and frankly i’m very insulted you didn’t text me to tell me :( do you gossip about boys with someone other than me?  that’s basically like cheating, isak :( _

 

[ 9:05 -- To: Eskild ]

1\. i’m not awake yet leave me alone 2. i don’t gossip about boys with ANYONE i’m not a 12 year old girl 3. even is just a FRIEND, why won’t anyone listen to me

 

[ 9:06 -- From: Eskild ]

_ tut, you’re always so grumpy in the mornings _

[ 9:07 -- From: Eskild ]

_aaaand i don’t believe you! all our friends have reliably informed me you like him_  

[ 9:08 -- To: Eskild ]

it wouldn’t matter if i DID like him, he has a girlfriend. i’m not into crushing on a straight guy 

[ 9:09 -- From: Eskild ]

_ oh, little isak. have i taught you nothing? having a girlfriend doesn’t have to mean he’s straight. he could be bi or pan or anything else. and it might not be a serious relationship, either. don’t lose hope, i’m sure this new love of your life likes you back! _

Isak doesn’t respond, after that.  He knows that Eskild’s right, technically.  Dating a girl doesn’t mean Even has to be straight.  But Isak has chosen to believe that it does, because otherwise, he’s going to go down the dangerous road of starting to  _ hope.   _

\-----

“Are you ever gonna introduce us to your girlfriend?” Isak asks one day.  Even’s never actually  _ mentioned _ her at all, and they’ve known him for more than two months now, and Isak knows she exists because that’s how Jonas met Even in the first place, but it’s beginning to feel a bit odd.  Almost like Even’s trying to hide her.  He’s trying to sound casual, and like he doesn’t care at all, but he’s not sure how well he pulls it off -- especially since he’s lying with his head basically in Even’s lap as they watch a crappy movie together.

Underneath him, Even freezes.

“My girlfriend?” he says, and the tint of confusion in his voice makes Isak’s breath hitch.  “I didn’t know I had one.  Wait, do you mean Sonja?  We’re still on good terms, but we’ve been broken up for like, four months.  Before I even met you.”

Oh.   


_ Oh. _

_“_ Oh,” he says.  His voice comes out far too weak but he doesn’t even have it in him to care.  Isak pushes himself up from where he’s sprawled on the sofa, sitting back but not quite looking into Even’s eyes.  “Jonas must have heard wrong.  He, uh, he thought you were still together.” 

This maybe changes everything.  This shouldn’t change _anything,_ if Even is still straight, but the conversation with Eskild flashes to the front of his mind, and -- well.  Sometimes, the way Even acts around him.  It’s not exactly how most friends act together. 

When he finally glances at Even, Even’s brows are furrowed, looking almost _upset_.  

“Did you really think that’s the kind of guy I am?”  

Isak blinks.

“Wha -- what kind of guy?”  This has all thrown him so much, and he can’t believe he never thought to actually  _ check,  _ in the whole of the last two months, whether Jonas’s information about this mystery girlfriend was right at all.   
  
“Like, the kind of guy who goes after someone when he’s already in a relationship?”

And if Isak thought he was shocked  _ before _ \--

“You're --” He has to stop to clear his throat, every part of him overwhelmed. “You've been, like, going after me?”

Even’s expression turns almost amused. “Could you not tell? I didn't think I was being subtle!”

And, fuck, Isak’s not  _ stupid _ . If he'd known Even was single and not entirely straight, he would have picked up that most of his behaviour towards Isak has been flirty. The endless texting, laughing at his bad jokes, giving him free weed, making him food, coming over when the flat is empty with some DVD he's decided Isak just  _ has _ to see. In retrospect, all those things are maybe -- yeah, they might seem a bit more obvious than he'd been anticipating. Isak had just been so busy denying that he liked Even at all, he hadn't let himself hope. (Okay, maybe he hoped a  _ tiny _ bit, mostly in the middle of the night when he was lying in bed thinking about how pretty Even is.)

“Wow,” Isak says, his voice suddenly going soft. He's just -- he can't quite believe it. A smile tugs up the corner of his lips, and then it turns into a tiny laugh. “Wow, I’m glad you don't have a girlfriend.”

Even smiles so wide his eyes scrunch up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Isak nods.

And then he hooks his fingers into the front of Even’s shirt, tugging him forwards, and into the best kiss of Isak’s life. It sends sparks all the way down to his toes and makes his lungs stop working altogether. It's perfect.

\----

“My friends are never gonna let me live this down,” Isak says a few hours later, as they lie all tangled up in his bed and panting together. Even just laughs, and -- yeah. Isak doesn't give a shit about his friends being right all along. 

**Author's Note:**

> once again i wrote this on my phone and didn't properly proofread it, oops, so let me know if you spot any errors. otherwise i hope you all enjoyed, lemme know in the comments if you did!!
> 
> also on my tumblr [here!](http://milominderbindered.tumblr.com/post/161789465586/thirty-days-of-skam-fic-day-thirteen-aka-an-au)


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